Insomnia

It's 3:30 am and I'm up for another feeding with Jude but I've actually been awake since his last feeding. I often suffer from insomnia but it is really hard these days because it is hard enough to get enough sleep with a new baby.

I'm stressed about my c section incision which still hasn't healed. It's been over 2 months since they reopened the incision and I still have one opening that won't heal. I go every other day to have it packed by a nurse. It gets Jude and I out (we normally walk there) but I really want to be healed up - I want the option to have a bath, go on a hot tub, go to yoga.

Then there is the stress of the tv show I'm going to be on. My dad and one of my friends agreed to be on with me but it is really stressful trying to coordinate filming dates with them and figuring out child care when Jude eats constantly and is very reluctant to go to anyone but me.

Then there is the stress of money. I've been asked to cover an expense for my family right now, which I'm totally willing to do, but I don't think everyone understands what a big deal this is since I'm on mat leave. My income is down to a quarter of what it was before the baby and that doesn't cover my fixed expenses. I knew that going into the pregnancy but it would be nice if people realized that this is really hard for me. I know how much the person directly involved appreciates this, it just seems that no one else does.

Well now I'm sure I won't get back to sleep as I'm all worked up. Maybe Jude will surprise me and go down for a real nap tomorrow.


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